March 26, 2012

March 26, 2012

Taygen Faith Spencer

6 lbs. 1.2 oz.

19.9" long

We arrived at the hospital at 10:30am. I was anxious and nervous and excited and emotional. This was an entirely different experience from my last C-section. I was having a hard time convincing myself this was actually happening and I was having a baby today. It was weird to be feeling completely normal, you know, no labor, no contractions, no panic, no heart failure. I was mostly just super nervous about having surgery, being awake for the whole thing, and of course, really scared of running into any complications, with my heart or otherwise. I was also really nervous about getting the epidural, but, it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. It just made me really really shaky. I felt very nervous and stressed out through the whole operation anyway, and so maybe that added to the shakes.
It seemed like it was over quite quickly. The anesthesiologist gave me the epidural, Jason got suited up, they wheeled me into the operation room, and she was born at 12:57pm. The doctors turned the overhead mirror so I could see Taygen and watch the nurses get her cleaned up. (I had no desire to watch the actual operation/delivery in the mirror. I was nervous enough as it was.) She looked so tiny and fragile and messy and gorgeous. I said to Jason, "Look what we made." :)
After she was cleaned up, they handed her to Jason and he brought her over to the operating table by my head so I could get a good look at her. "Beautiful, miraculous, amazing..." was all I could think, well and "I am so so so exhausted."
After I was all stitched up and back in the normal hospital bed, I got to hold my sweet baby girl. This was so unlike my first delivery experience and I was so grateful to be able to hold her and cuddle her right away. In fact, that is pretty much what I did for the entire hospital stay. I just held her and adored her. With Allary, I feel like I hardly got to see her at all until we left the hospital. It was awesome to me just to get to keep Taygen in the room with us any time we wanted. Awesome.
Things went so smoothly and we are so grateful for this miraculous experience.

It was wonderful and amazing and miraculous, and also a very spiritual experience for me. Holding my sweet Taygen, I felt.... not even sure how to put it into words... like the veil was very thin. I felt, not so much like I was meeting her, but more like I had finally found her.

We finally found each other.