Our road to expanding our family has been full of bumps and twists and ups and downs and many obstacles.
To start at the beginning, my first pregnancy ended early in miscarriage. My next pregnancy was a rough one. I regret not simply treasuring the miracle of pregnancy, but I was so distracted by constant pain and nausea and trouble breathing and huge elephant-like ankles. Most already know the story of Allary's birth, so I'll not go into too much detail. I went into labor and congestive heart failure at the same time. They rushed me in for an emergency C-section, revived Allary, and I woke up several hours later in the ICU, having been diagnosed with a pregnancy related heart condition. I had a quick and miraculous recovery, but even so, every doctor I have seen has advised against any future pregnancies.
So, we searched for another route.
Most people know we have been waiting and hoping and praying to adopt for what seems like forever. I know adoption is wonderful and miraculous when it works out, but we have really had a rough time. The application process is long and tedious and emotional. And then the waiting process is a hundred times more emotional and agonizing. Over the past two years we've had a few contacts from potential birth moms, and scam artists (yes there are people who prey on vulnerable waiting adoptive couples). Each time it starts with a glimmer of hope and excitement that a birth mom has shown interest, and each time it has ended in absolute heartache. Our most recent experience with adoption was by far the hardest in every way. We got a very promising email from a birth mother that our caseworker had shown our profile to. She said she had been looking at profiles for a while and ours was the first one that stood out to her. She said she felt the Spirit so strongly and felt very good about us. We communicated via email for almost 3 months and everything was going so well. We had so many things in common with her and there were so many coincidences and connections that made us feel like this was absolutely meant to be. She asked to meet us face to face and that also went very well. But, not too long after that, we received the news that she had decided to keep the baby. This was about a week before the baby was due. I can't really describe how that feels, to feel so strongly that we were getting a baby and then, a complete sense of loss. I feel so beaten down by this whole process. Jason and I decided that we simply can not take anymore. I have been surprised by my own strength...well, I can't even say that, because it wasn't strength I was pulling from anywhere inside myself, it was a matter of finally turning to the Lord and drawing on that strength. But even so, I know I can not go through another situation like that. Not emotionally, not spiritually, not physically.
So, Jason and I decided it was time to try another route.
A few years ago, my brother Travis and his wife Dena, offered us that other option. Dena offered to be a surrogate mother and carry a child for us. Because of the risks and stress to Dena, we decided back then to try adoption and we felt that was the right thing to do at that time. (why, I may never know, except that maybe the timing just wasn't right, I don't know.) After the failed placement, we thought about surrogacy again and prayed about it and asked Dena if her offer still stood. She immediately responded yes and things moved so quickly from there. We researched what to do and how it works, Dena found a wonderful doctor near their home, and we scheduled an initial consult all in a matter of weeks. The very day after the consult, I started my medications, then Dena began hers and everything lined up so quickly that again, it was only a matter of weeks before we were scheduled for egg retrieval and transfer. The whole thing is absolutely amazing. Everything went so smoothly and the doctors and nurses were so great. I still can't believe something like this is even medically possible. What a blessing to live in this day and age, where even in a case like ours, we can still have the opportunity to have more children, even biological children. Simply amazing.
December was a really crazy month with traveling to and from Travis and Dena's house, hoping this would all work, and trying to get ready for Christmas. After the egg retrieval, we flew home and I got really sick. My body responded a little too well to the medications. They were hoping I would produce somewhere around 15 eggs, and I produced 30! As a result, I was in a lot of pain and even after the retrieval, the pain kept getting worse, my abdomen kept getting more swollen, and I couldn't keep anything down at all, especially not any pain medications. I told the doctor all this and he sent me to the hospital. I was there for four days with what they called ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. I started getting better quickly after I came home. It really wasn't that big of a deal and I would do it all again in a second considering the happy outcome.
Dena surprised us by calling us on Christmas day to tell us she was pregnant. It truly was the best Christmas present ever!
Then Dena went in for her first ultrasound a few weeks ago and called to tell me there were TWO of them in there! We were absolutely shocked. We had elected to only transfer one embryo since our chances for success were good and we didn't want to take on the added risks and strain for Dena that comes with twins. The doctor told us there was less than a 0.5% chance that the embryo would split after transfer and they've never had this happen before at their clinic. They initially thought that the babies were in one amniotic sac, which would have meant an extremely high-risk pregnancy and a long hospitalization for Dena. After two doctors told us this, Dena went to a high-risk specialist and thankfully, on his high-res ultrasound machine, he was barely able to make out a membrane separating the two. This was such a relief to all of us. Of course there are still added risks that naturally come with twins, but at least we are not facing the level of risk we thought we were.
This whole thing is such an amazing miracle. Dena is an angel to us. She is giving us the most amazing, wonderful, miraculous gift(s) through her selfless love and sacrifice. We thank our Heavenly Father every day for her and her willingness to do this for us. After grieving and waiting and wondering how in the world we were ever going to have another child, this is such a miracle. Two miracles actually. :)
The poem reads:
Here she is showing off her Valentine's Day goodies from us.
And here they are at the party. I was totally impressed with the whole thing. It was very well planned and fancifully decorated. There were 75 (!) little girls there and they were all surprisingly well-behaved because the whole thing was very fun and cute and entertaining. When they first got there, there were young girls (helpers) who took them by the hand and helped them accessorize with tiaras and necklaces and rings.
They had sparkling pink punch, skittles, and pink cupcakes served on fancy little platters. The girls were trying to sip with their pinkies up, so funny.
They also had a lady teach them a few French words (because everything sounds fancier in French). At the end, each girl was asked to find one of the hostesses and curtsy and say "merci!" These two were so cute.
This was a priceless experience for Allary. She loved everything about it. Seriously, right up her alley. :) And for anyone with little girly girls, I highly recommend Fancy Nancy.
Can you tell this girl loves her grandma? :)
We spent quite a bit of time at the "bouncing place." Allary would just go and go and go and skip and run around from one thing to the next with her little cheeks getting all rosy from so much fun.
We also got to go spend some time with Katie and her boys. I should have taken a photo of Katie and me too, but the batteries in my camera were about to die and I barely had enough power left to snag this one of these two cuties.
I took this one on the drive home. Allary is such a wonderful little travel companion. She never cries or complains. She just watches movies and colors and talks and is happy as can be. She is showing off her little hamster that Grandma bought for her. It's kind of like a Zhu Zhu pet, but not a real one. Allary has affectionately named him Zhu Zhu though, and he is constantly cruising around on our hard wood floors. He also has been sleeping with her every night. It's funny what kids love and become attached to. Thank you Grandma for Zhu Zhu, he has become an instant favorite.
