I love this girl

Allary and I were having a bite to eat at Target today before doing our shopping and she was just cracking me up so I thought I'd share, and get it down in writing (or type) before I forgot the moment. We were playing a little game as we waited for our food. One of us hums a song and the other one tries to guess what it is. It was my turn to guess and I was throwing out "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," "Jingle Bells," "I am a Child of God." I was just not getting it, though there was no lack of effort on her part. Finally, she rolls her eyes and says... "oh mom, don't you know 'All the Single Ladies???'" I just about spit out my Diet Coke I was laughing so hard. :)

Also as we were shopping today, Allary was singing her heart out and making up the song as she went (not at all uncommon for her.) It made me smile because the song went something like this... "I love my mom, she is the best of all moms, she is my shopping buddy, I love her more than chocolate cake."

Update...

-sigh- where to begin....
We have had a rough couple of months (years actually). Not long after we lost the twins back in March, sweet Dena offered to give the surrogacy another try. We had 4 frozen embryos still there at the clinic. Dena started the whole process again and had one embryo transferred to her the first week of August. A few weeks later she went in to have her blood drawn to see if she was pregnant. She called to tell us that she was in fact pregnant, but that her hormone levels were abnormally low. We were excited, but also trying to be cautious about getting our hopes up. She went back a few days later for another blood draw and they found that her numbers had gone up significantly. At that point, we were truly excited. But only a few days after that, Dena started bleeding. They took her blood again and found that her numbers, while still rising, were not near high enough to indicate a normal pregnancy. She went back again after a few more days for another blood draw and found that her hormone levels were still increasing and that there was maybe hope that things would be okay. It seems like this went on and on forever. Her levels did continue to rise, but not like they should, and they couldn't seem to find the embryo on the ultrasounds. Finally the doctor and nurses concluded that it was an ectopic pregnancy. They did surgery and found the embryo hiding at the entrance to one of the tubes. Ectopic, really??? How does that even happen with IVF? Apparently there was a less than 3% chance of that happening. Kind of like there was a less than 1% chance of twins. I am the girl of small percentages. We were at least relieved that they found it and that Dena was okay. I feel horrible for what she has been through on our behalf and I can never ever thank her enough for her selfless act of love.

So where does this leave me? I have no idea. Grieving...again. Confused, angry, frustrated, depressed, and exhausted in every way. I feel like I have been fighting, fighting with every bit of strength I can muster towards this one goal, and I keep losing. Not just losing but ending up more and more beaten down with each loss. So should I quit fighting? Should I just accept that maybe I am not meant to have more than one child? This thought saddens me so much that I cannot even go there. How do I quit fighting for something I cannot go a single day, even a single hour, without thinking about?

Allary is 5!

Her birthday is September 25th, so I'm a little late getting this posted. We started the birthday festivities with a family party here at our house on Friday evening. As usual with that many little cousins, it was chaotic and loud and really fun. Then we had Paige and Megan stay over that night for a super fun girly sleepover. The next morning, we dropped Allary off at the church for a primary program practice and took the other two girls home. We came home, ate a quick lunch, and then had some of Allary's friends over for a Hello Kitty Birthday Party. They made kitty ears, played pin-the-tail-on-the-kitty, doggie doggie kitty (as opposed to duck duck goose), and freeze dancing. They seemed to have a great time. Right after that party was over, Jason's family came over and we enjoyed the rest of the afternoon and evening with them. It was kind of a tiring weekend, but also really fun.
Here are some pictures of the fun...

I had to go to several different stores before I found a Hello Kitty cake but I did finally find this one and I thought it turned out cute.

Haley with the totally awesome Hello Kitty light-up cake topper.


New Tinkerbell DVD from us.
Can you tell we had red punch to drink? :)

Kevin and Leslee.

Cute new clothes from Grandma and Grandpa M.

LeapFrog word builder from us.

Olivia doll from us.

Book from Grandma Dixie.

Scooter from Grandma and Grandpa M.

The three girlies. I made them get back in their sleeping bags in the morning with their clothes on just so I could get a picture. :)

Breakfast.

Allary's friend party. Emma, Taryn, Abby, Joey, and Allary.

I can't believe my sweet little girl is 5! I love her more than I ever knew it was possible to love anything.
Here's a list of some of Allary's favorite things...
Color: Pink and Purple
Food: Macaroni and Cheese
Treat: Suckers and Ice Cream
Game: Candyland
Movie: "The Princess and the Frog," and "Horton Hears a Who"
Book: Olivia (ALL of them)
Song: I am a Child of God
Things to Do: go on walks with Kota, ride my bike and my scooter, go swimming, color, play with friends
Thing to do with Mom: have picnics (we have indoor picnics on a blanket in the family room quite often)
Thing to do with Dad: play games, like Candyland and Life.
Favorite Thing about Being 5: still getting to be held, and being the only one that's 5 in this family.

She makes me smile. :)